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Voila! - Here is your news......
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Mallards Hijack Bus
Thousands of mallards have hijacked a bus and refused to give it back unless they receive adequate winter housing. The mallards are voicing their opinion by stopping local drivers from moving their buses. These local Taiwanese drivers are finding it increasingly difficult to drive their passengers safely, and demand that the mallards must stop their demonstrations before things get out-of-hand.
It seems the mallards have taken a different stance, and will continue to hijack buses until their housing is built and that they are safe in the knowledge they will see the following summer.
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Children Destroy Small Third - World Country
Some small knee-high children have run a-mock by destroying a small third world country with some 16th century cannons. Pictured here, we see the children haplessly playing before they undertook the task of destroying the country by blasting what is reported to be 20 "working cannons". How they found the cannon balls is unknown to us, but ammunition must have been locally placed for the children to carry the weight and finally light that elusive flame. The children worked from a well-protected castle wall where they fired the cannons, unknown to the local residents of the nearby country. How the children were able to reach the cannons is another question, yet they seemed adequately trained in using the cannons to a disastrous effect.
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Man Caught Poisoning Tourists
A 63-year-old from Cornwall has been found guilty of poisoning guests at his B&B by enticing them with free whisky.
Mr Tomlinson who claims that he had "No idea that the whisky had such effects" makes the whisky himself. Free offerings are given to each new tourist who visits his B&B, but many leave their vacation early because of "ill health". After a health inspection on the site it was deemed that Mr Tomlinson was poisoning these tourists with intent.
Mr Tomlinson however was outraged, "It's an old family recipe, how can it be poisonous?"
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Tent Eats Australians
A killer tent has tragically eaten some Australians on a camping expedition. The tent seemed to come to life as the Australians were putting it up and just swallowed them whole. We pictured the event as the tent began its initial process of opening its mouth and targeting the campers. From then on in, the campers were helpless because of the sheer ferocity of the tent, which seemed to just immobilize the Australians.
To be frank - we weren't going to go near the tent with a barge pole.
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Chairlift To Nowhere
Locals and tourists in a Swiss skiing resort have been shocked by the fact they have a chairlift to nowhere. The chairlift, pictured here takes people from the bottom of a glacier to "nowhere". Tourists have flocked in their thousands to see the chairlift (but not necessarily ride it) and custom is up by 50% in the area. Ciraco Suitter, owner of the skiing complex is ecstatic about the chairlift, "It's wonderful that people are coming here in droves, it's nice to see an alternative to the chairlift from its normal usage by the skiers". |
Men Dressed as a Goat Scare Walkers
Two men dressed as a giant goat have been haunting tourists in the area of Snowdonia in North Wales. The "practical joke" was aimed at scaring hill walkers in the area as the giant goat would leap out at passers by and strategically follow then through the mountainside.
The walkers were initially caught out by the giant goat, which blended in well with the other mountainside animals in the area. But, it seems the two men were struggling to keep their goat-like concentration and ended up falling down the Devil's Kitchen, a prominent walking spot in the Snowdonia valley. The "goat" rolled dangerously down the mountainside and ended up suspended off a large rock. When startled hill walkers realised that the goat had some human - like features they rushed over to help the pranksters. The horrific fall left the two men with only badly bruising and they now admit they "should not try to be something they're not".
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Nuns To Be Armed
In a new church initiative to "Toughen the image of nuns" it has been confirmed that nuns will now carry guns. The image of nuns needs to be brought into the 21st century and by arming them it will ensure better safety and keep them up to date with the times.
The new image of nuns is expected to entice younger generations into the practice and also to persuade those thinking of joining the army that a nunnery would be a much safer option.
Proposals have already been put into place for the nuns to have military training before taking the responsibility of their rifles. It will also mean the nuns are trained to a sufficient level that they can go into combat if necessary.
Geraldine McCabe, a nun for 35 years said, "It is very much keeping the tradition of nuns but bringing things forward to a new level that we have never incorporated before".
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Titanic Survivors Found!
Nearly 90 years after it's tragic sinking, survivors of the Titanic have been found in the North Atlantic Ocean. Unbeknownst to the world they have been sailing the North Atlantic for nearly a century in an inflatable dinghy. The survivors have kept themselves in a reasonably good health condition by acquiring some thermal clothing, appropriate for such biting conditions. The survivors are said to be ready to complete their crossing to New York shortly, some 89 years after it was supposed to dock... |
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BirdMan
Coming to cinemas Summer 2001.... |
Horse and Cart Vs Coach!
A head-to-head battle between a horse and cart and a coach has begun today in Tunisia. The battle will span a total distance of 5,000 miles. Both modes of transport will begin at the same time on the same day (still to be confirmed), but Dizzy McGrath, an experienced horse rider is keen to prove motorists wrong over what is surely the better mode of transport. But as he quite rightly said "At least I won't be stuck for fuel every few hundred miles, there's not a lot of that in the desert". Fair point Dizzy, we look forward to your return in a few years time...
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Families Fed To Crocodiles
Family visits to a local zoo have turned sour on news that zookeepers have been feeding families to the crocodiles. For the past 6 months zookeepers have enticed the families into a "Feeding session" where unknown to the visitors, they will in fact be used as the food. Pictured here is a group who have volunteered to feed the crocodiles, but will soon be thrown into the water by the zookeeper where they will be effectively "Up the creek without a paddle". In defence to the crocodile's appetite a spokesperson for the zoo said, "It was giving the crocodiles a rounded diet". |
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